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The Things We Never Say Out Loud

by Bea Stewart

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1.
You’re a massive question mark I think about when it gets dark A sweet what if that never could have been I didn’t think it worth the risk But I should have shot my shot and missed Instead of being scared to lose or win My shoulders are learning to carry my burdens alone But my hand wants a friend that it can hold to the end of the road But I may as well be screaming at traffic Day dreaming no it can’t fix This weighing on me I can’t change what done And the secret romantic in me just can’t get past this I’m not saying that I wish you were the one I’m just saying that I wish I’d had the guts To see if it could have been love Though we were never more than friends I used to love to hold your hand I knew it didn’t mean a thing to you So I’d take a breath and hold it in And not admit I felt a thing Cause when you’re just a kid that’s what you do My shoulders are hurting From carrying my burdens alone But my mind won’t let me share them I’m just fine and I can bear them on my own But I may as well be screaming at traffic Day dreaming no it can’t fix This weighing on me I can’t change what done And the secret romantic in me just can’t get past this I’m not saying that I wish you were the one I’m just saying that I wish I’d had the guts To see if it could have been love To see if there could have been us I’ve played it over in my head and I know how it would have went You’d trade me in for someone new I’d cut my hair and dye it blue And write some songs to fit the mood Maybe get a new tattoo I think loving you Could make my heart and break it too But that’s not how the story goes Things are different now we’ve grow And truth be told that doors been closed for years We grew apart, it happened slow It’s been a long time since we spoke And I don’t have the right to call you dear So I’ll fight this lonely night and leave it here
2.
I keep a pen and paper by my bed, for night like these My brother gave me that idea, he over thinks like me And I hope he knows he's not alone I broke the off switch in my brain Seems you and I we're both the same And I guess we'll have to find a way To live with pride and live with shame It's hard to sleep, I know you try You lay your head and close your eyes I don't know much, but I know you're tired So in the meantime You can rest on me if you need too I think this is the nicest song I've ever written to date and I mean it You can cry on me if you want too Just like I've cried to you and you've always listened I'm on your team no conditions I said it, I mean it I know lately life's been hard to take, though I can't read your mind It's been hard to watch you saving face, and worse to see you cry So I wrote this song to let it out, those things we say out loud Like "you're too great to be so down" and I hope you know I'm proud to know you I broke the off switch in my brain Seems you and I we're both the same And I guess we'll have to find a way To live with pride and live with shame It's hard to sleep, I know you try You lay your head and close your eyes I don't know much, but I know you're tired So in the meantime You can rest on me if you need too I think this is the nicest song I've ever written to date and I mean it You can cry on me if you want too Just like I've cried to you and you've always listened I'm on your team no conditions I said it, I mean it Ok let me know if you're starting to overflow, let me know if its too much for you too hold Its cliche, but day by day it's gonna be ok I know it ends that way Let me know if you need me to spell it out I'll write it big, write it bold, double underline I'm not playing, I'm just sayin' its going to be ok I know it ends that way I broke the off switch in my brain Seems you and I we're both the same And this is the nicest song I've ever written.
3.
Stitch It Up 04:09
I look for poetry in everything But lately I can’t find it I get scared its fallen out with me And I don’t know who’s behind it My Rubik’s cube’s the only puzzle I can solve these days 
So I solve it every morning just to help me feel I’m sane I’ll write it in my worry journal And hope it helps now the feelings more external Can someone call the referee Cause there’s a voice in here that screams at me That I can never be enough And I should shut my mouth and stitch it up Yesterday I let her take the mic and stand at centre stage It’s foul play and I can’t take it 
She’s a pain that I can’t shake off What a mess what a joke I’m admitting What a cruel anecdote to be living You can never win Some days it would be nice to be seen But maybe in different lighting Just like the sugar in my tea I’m way too good at hiding I’ve been sleeping with the windows open just to feel the breeze Cause it makes me feel like I’m not so broken Puts my mind at ease I’ll write it in my worry journal And hope the feelings universal Can someone call the referee Cause there’s a voice in here that screams at me That I can never be enough And I should shut my mouth and stitch it up Yesterday I let her take the mic and stand at centre stage It’s foul play and I can’t take it
 She’s a pain that I can’t shake off What a mess what a joke I’m admitting What a cruel anecdote to be living What a mess what a joke I’m admitting What a cruel anecdote to be living You can never win So throw it to the wind Or you’ll never win
4.
Always making plans That was the man you used to be A safe pair of hands Always had an itinerary The leaves turn golden swallows fly and I’ll come home again But you won’t be the same Will you know my face I’ve been knocking on your door but you’re not there And I wonder if you’re hiding how you’re scared Maybe we can take a drive like we used to do And we can get lost on the way And we can eat ice cream in the rain Not an open man Shutters always half closed to me I couldn’t understand But there’s a lot I couldn’t see The snow will fall I’ll wish I called more while I had the choice Now there’s not much point Will you know my voice If you lose the words to speak up Sing a song you like No we don’t have to say much We can just sit a while and smile cause you tried You tried it all And even if you can’t recall You gave your all As the daisies grow your memory goes Now these moments passed are mine to hold

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released May 15, 2023

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Bea Stewart Belfast, UK

Born and raised just outside Belfast in Northern Ireland, Bea is a singer songwriter influenced by the Irish folk music she grew up around. Honest storytelling and vulnerability are at the core of her sentimental writing, in the hopes that hearing her process her messy thoughts around life will help you process yours. ... more

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